Sunday, 15 October 2017


Hey guys.

Today I want to post a timeline of events so I can easily look back at how long things take etc if I need to. I'm still bleeding after having had an op and am trying to work out if I've had or when I'm going to have a period and when I'm going to ovulate. 

Despite feeling like it's all been a bit of an ordeal (an ordeal that's been going on for over 4 months now!!!), memories fade fast and we're not ready to give up just yet! 

Maybe they'll be a natural pregnancy. If not, we'll probably have IVF round 2 within the next few months. 

All I can say is watch this space. : ) 

In the meantime, here's my timeline of IVF events:

Thurs 8th June: Started IVF injections.
Tues 11th July: Egg collection.
Thurs 13th July: 2 embryos transferred.

2 week wait.

Thurs 27th July: Pregnancy blood test at the hospital. Positive test confirmed in the afternoon.
Wed 16th Aug: First scan. 1 foetus seen with a very strong heartbeat. 
Sat 26th Aug: Pregnancy symptoms have disappeared. A private scan confirms the baby/foetus no longer has a heartbeat. It's measuring as it should, minus 1 day so it is about 8 weeks + 3 days old.

There's no bleeding or sign of miscarriage for 2 weeks and 2 days.

Tues 12th Sept: Went into labour for 10 hours. 
Wed 13th Sept: Went into labour again. 
Thurs 14th Sept: Emergency op to remove foetus under anesthetic.

Light bleeding following the op (for 17 days with 2 days where it's heavy in between) which turns into crazy, out of control heavy bleeding for another 10 days. Then it suddenly stopped for 2 days, then there was a night of heavy bleeding and now it's mild). 

Thurs 12th Oct: I finally get a negative pregnancy test.

As I said previously, I'm using ovulation tests every day to try and work out if some of this crazy bleeding was a period and when I'm going to ovulate! I'll update this post when I work it out!

On a side note, Amazon is a great place to buy cheap ovulation and pregnancy tests in bulk (I'll link the ones I get below - this seller supplies the NHS so they work really well). Boy do we get through a lot of those!

I'm using the cheap ovulation tests every day and when I see any sign of two lines I'll double up with a Clearblue (smiley face) test just to be sure!! I got the idea from one of my favourite YouTubers who said she uses cheap tests from Amazon. I don't know why I didn't think of it before! 

Jess. xx

Sunday, 8 October 2017


It's been over a month since I last posted on here and the long and the short of it is that the drugs didn't work for me at all. I ended up having to have Surgical Management of Miscarriage (SMM). 

4 days after I took the second lot of pills I had another scan at the Early Pregnancy Unit, which of course confirmed that the fetus was still in there. I continued to wait it out and see if I miscarried naturally. A week later I went into labour at 3am and it lasted 10 hours. I was getting contractions every 3 minutes that would last 1 minute and was bleeding like crazy. 

Stuck on the toilet for 10 hours (other than a random 2 hour break I got) I felt lucky that my finace and mum were by my side. Yes it was embarrassing being half naked and in labour in front of them but I felt so exhausted I didnt care. My mum was fab and talked me through what to do with the breathing etc.

When labour finally ended around 1pm the next day, everyone was sure the fetus must have come out. The amount of blood and clots and goodness knows what else was insane. I had to use Ibuprofen, Paracetamol, Codeine and anti-sickness medication to get me through. It didn't take the pain away but made it slightly more bearable. 

After going through all that you can imagine my horror when it all started again at 3am the next day. Labour went on once again for 2 hours and it was every bit as awful as before. At 8.30am I was straight back on the phone to the Early Pregnancy Unit and back at the hospital for 10am.

I had a scan which once again confirmed that the fetus was still in there. A little head and body, fully intact, just led there like nothing is wrong. I couldn't bloody believe it!

Feeling crazily exhausted and at my wits end with it all I agreed that I had no option but to give in and have the op. Looking back I think I was mad to think doing it naturally was the way to go! Luckily they booked me in for the next day and I was also first on the list.

The operation went well but it was over 3 weeks ago now and I'm still bleeding heavily. 

Tomorrow I'm going to ring the doctors and try and work out if this is normal or not. 

Jess. xx

Friday, 1 September 2017


I'm now 9+3, only there was no heartbeat found whilst having an emergency scan last Sat (you can read that post here). At that point I was 8+4 and measuring at approx 8+3. I'm having what's known as a missed miscarriage. Call it what you like, delayed miscarriage, silent miscarriage. It's all the same thing. My baby or fetus has died but my body is still holding on. There's no bleeding and suddenly I've been faced with a big decision to make.

After having the scan on Sat it was 3 days before I spoke to the Early Pregnancy Unit about what I could possibly do. It was 4 days before I was seen and scanned and 5 days before I took some vaginal pessaries (Misoprostol) in a bid to medically manage the miscarriage. That was yesterday morn.

The vaginal pessaries did not work. I rang the hospital today and was seen early afternoon. I was given 4 more pessaries to try (I had to insert these all in one go). But whilst at home and trying to insert the first one, I found all the others inside. Still intact and completely undissolved. I picked them out one by one and put them on a tissue, totally dismayed.

I rang the hospital once again and we agreed that perhaps I should take the tablets orally instead. Off to the hospital we went for the second time today to pick up another pill. This time I put them in my mouth (between the gums and cheek) and I left them there for an hour. Then I swirled them around a bit and then put them back between my cheeks and gums.

Eventually I swallowed the chalky pulp, which didn't really taste of anything at all. It's now been nearly 4 hours since I first put them in. Other than a sore throat I'm currently feeling nothing at all. I'll keep you all updated on what happens next. Fingers crossed this works as tomorrow it will be 1 week since no heartbeat was seen.

Having a miscarriage is bad enough, but this is like being tortured because it's just going on and on. I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare and totally in limbo land. I'm scared of what's going to happen and how bad it will be. I'm sick of being stuck in the house and unable to get on with my normal life.

Jess. xx

Sunday, 27 August 2017


On Friday I woke up feeling great. Whilst in the shower I thought to myself 'I feel so good today I'm going to get on and do loads of chores or I might go out to the shops'. I couldn't help but laugh as I would think the same thing every day. However, by the time I got out of the shower I would always be so exhausted I had to lay down on the bed for a bit before I got dressed. Once I had taken the Crinone Gel I would be pretty useless for the rest of the day. A combination of being pregnant and taking the extra progesterone was really taking it's toll.

However, Friday was somehow different. I ate my breakfast and started cleaning. I finished one room and then started another. I couldn't really believe how good I felt and how much energy I had. Stupidly I put it down to the small breakfast I had eaten. I had decided to change my eating habits in a bid to combat the all day and night nausea I was getting. It seemed like my idea of eating lots of small meals a day was beginning to work. 

Throughout the day I kept expecting the exhaustion and nausea to kick in but it never did. In fact, by the end of the day I still felt pretty good. It was like everything had changed. Even smells that had previously made me feel sick were not bothering me anymore. 

That night I started to panic in my sleep and the nightmares were pretty bad. I kept waking up, wondering where my pregnancy symptoms had gone. Then thinking of things to Google for reassurance. By 6am I couldn't take it anymore and I grabbed the iPad, typing in everything I could think of for reassurance. I ended up looking for private clinics that were open on a Saturday. I knew that the only way I could be truly reassured was to get a scan.

My fiance woke up, catching me in the act, asking 'what are you Googling now?'. I told him 'my pregnancy symptoms have gone'. He tried to reassure me but deep down I knew the truth. I started crying and I said 'I think the baby has gone. I think our baby has died. I don't feel pregnant anymore'. He cuddled me and told me not to be so silly. 

In the end he agreed that I could pay for a private scan. That's just the kind of guy he is. He would rather get a scan and stop my anxiety (which would be bad for the baby) than worry about the money. 

After ringing around loads of different places we finally found an ultra-sound clinic that was willing to fit us in at the end of their working day. It was an hour's drive away and the scan would cost us £89. None of that mattered as it needed to be done.

My fiance was convinced I was being anxious and that the scan was happening just to reassure me. But sadly I felt different and knew it would take a miracle if our baby was there. Nothing made sense. If I was still pregnant then where had my symptoms gone? I had felt terribly ill and pregnant for about 6 weeks. Those kind of feelings don't just disappear over night. 

Whilst in the waiting room one couple came out crying and my fiance told me later that he had thought 'those poor people, at least we won't be coming out in a state like them'. Meanwhile I felt incredibly panicky and anxious and I really wasn't holding out much hope.

As soon as the sonographer got the baby up on the screen we could see that there was no heartbeat to be seen. My fiance was devastated and totally in shock. I on the other hand, was incredibly upset but but not shocked as I already knew. 

I worked out that the cramping I had last Wed and Thurs was when this all probably occurred. But what's really awful is that my body still thinks it's pregnant so the baby is still inside. I'm having what's called a 'delayed miscarriage' and quite honestly I don't know what on earth to do.

It's a bank holiday weekend and nowhere is open. The IVF clinic have an emergency number but no one has called me back. I tried calling everyone from the Early Pregnancy Clinic to midwives, and our local maternity unit too. Nobody can help me. In the end I resorted to ringing 111 and after 4.5 hours an on call doctor finally rang and said I could wait and see what happens or have a D&C (an operation to have it removed).

Now I have to wait until Tuesday so I can ring my GP and get referred to the Early Pregnancy Clinic, where hopefully they'll be able to advise me what to do.

The whole thing is pretty horrendous and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm really scared about what's going to happen to me now. I read online that if I miscarry naturally it will be a bit like going into labour and to expect there to be a lot of blood. 

We both feel so upset, tired and keep on crying all the time. What a sad ending to something that we thought was going to be so damn good.

Jess. xx

Thursday, 24 August 2017


Hello! Today we're 8+2 and we had our first scan 8 days ago. All was well and there was 1 little one with a strong heartbeat, measuring 1cm. What a relief! Sadly the second embryo didn't make it, so there's no twinnies for us this time around. However, we are okay about this and just very grateful to have been successful at all.

My whole attitude has totally changed since that scan and I'm no longer anxious - thank goodness.

So all the worries have gone but the symptoms have not. I still feel pretty rubbish to be honest and am counting down the weeks until I can stop taking the Crinone Gel. I'm sure it's that stuff that's making me feel so bad.

This week I'm suffering from nausea, a heightened sense of smell, sore boobs and frequent urination (especially throughout the night). The period-like cramps came back again yesterday and today which seem to be a normal thing when you're about 8 weeks.

That's all I have to report at the mo.

Jess. xx

Tuesday, 15 August 2017


Good morning everyone! Today we're 7 weeks and our first scan is tomorrow.

In terms of symptoms from the past week, I've had a heightened sense of smell (often struggling to make breakfast or cook dinner and don't even get me started on the smell of yogurt! - My fiance eats one every night and I find it so gross), all day and night nausea, hot flushes, feeling extremely thirsty, sore boobs and frequent urination.

I get up about 7 times a night, every night. The main reason is the need to urinate all the time, but acid reflux and nausea is a major issue too. One thing I have noticed is that the period-like cramps have eased off a lot since last week which is good.

If you know of anything that helps with nausea or my issue of not being able to quench my first, please let me know in the comments box below!

Jess. xx

Tuesday, 8 August 2017


Today we're 6 weeks and I'm counting down the days until the first scan which is a week tomorrow.

Several things have happened since I last blogged. Firstly I spoke to our clinic about the awful stabbing/ripping type pains I was getting. The nurse was lovely and reassured me that they are probably nothing to worry about. We agreed that it's more than likely down to the changes going on in my body and my ovaries recovering from egg collection. Luckily I haven't felt these pains for 9 days now. 

Another thing that happened was I took a second pregnancy test. Silly I know, but the paranoia kicked in and I needed to see that the pregnancy is still there. The funny thing was the control line and one of the lines in the test window were very weak. I was in a sulk for about two hours thinking the test line was faint. Then after Googling I realised it was the test line that was very strong not the other way around. I hadn't looked at the packet properly!


After that little incident I became super happy again and all reassured. However, all I seem to do is worry. So far I've been scared that the stabbing pains are an ectopic pregnancy, that the period-like cramps are a miscarriage (or even part of an ectopic pregnancy) and that if I cry and get a bit emotional that this could lead to a miscarriage too. 

I get so many strange aches and pains and they seem to fuel my paranoia even more. For example today I sat down on a chair and it felt like someone had stabbed me in the bum! What was that all about? Who knows!

Over the past 7 days symptoms have included feeling very emotional (where I want to cry for no reason), hot, nauseous (this seems to be getting worse!) and incredibly thirsty all the time. I've also had period-like cramps, continuous sore boobs and some really strange dreams. I urinate all the time (I got up about 7 times one night!) and am incredibly very tired.

Today I'm feeling a little bit ill with a mild sore throat and have been sleeping on and off all day. 

Roll on to when we hit 12 weeks as apparently that's when all the crazy symptoms start to get a little bit better. At least that's what one of my best friends told me, who I happened to confide in during this week. So now my mum, sister and one of my friends know. 

Jess. xx


Hey guys. Today I want to post a timeline of events so I can easily look back at how long things take etc if I need to. I'm still b...