10 WEEKS PREGNANT | UPDATE

Hey guys! 

It seems like ages since I last updated this blog and so much has happened too! 

First thing's first - following on from my last post, the 'hook effect' is a real thing and that's exactly what was happening to me. Apparently pregnancy tests are only designed to pick up levels of hcg up to a certain point. Once your body reaches that point they are too high to register, hence why I started getting weak lines on my pregnancy tests. By diluting my urine (25% urine: 75% water) I was able to get nice strong lines once again. 

Regarding our disappearing twin, we've had 2 more scans since my last update (4 now altogether) and twin 2 was never seen again. Very sad, but if it had to die, doing so in the first trimester was the best case scenario. This is because the fetal tissue has now been absorbed by me, the placenta or the other twin. Hence the name 'vanishing twin syndrome'. It's horrible but we've had time to accept it now. I just keep imagining the day I tell my little one that they were an identical twin. : ( I don't even know if we will tell them or not. 

Talking of twin 1 - it's doing really well. In fact, it's doing so well that I'm actually 11 weeks pregnant according to my scans (not 10). We've been so lucky to be monitored by the Early Pregnancy Unit and at every scan our little one always measures just over a week ahead. It's currently the size of a lime!

Over the past 3 weeks my symptoms have been:

Metallic taste in my mouth.

Extreme tiredness - I feel like I could sleep forever!

Waking up frequently during the night. 

Night sweats (gross!).

Feeling very thirsty.

Mild period pains.

Constipation.

Feeling bloated / heavy stomach.

Sore boobs. (Mainly on the sides).

Feeling too hot, then too cold.

Nausea, which seems to be easing up a bit since last Sat. That said, I still feel it every day at about 5/5.30pm. At this point I cannot stand the smell of food cooking! Often I get it around 1pm too.

Heightened sense of smell when I feel nauseous. 

A weird heavy feeling in my crotch area (like my insides are falling out!). The EPU consultant thinks it might actually be my bowel. 

I've now stopped taking the Pregnacare Original tablets and went back onto Pregnacare Pre-conception for a bit. After still suffering with stomach pains and diarrhea I've finally started taking a Boots Folic Acid and Vitamin D tablet. These seem to be much better.

Next up - we have our NHS booking appointment in a week, our NHS 12 week scan in just under 2 weeks and we've booked in for a private NIPT + Scan in just over two weeks (when I'll be 12/13 weeks). This is £399.00 and includes the Harmony prenatal blood test (NIPT), a 2D ultrasound scan (inc prints), sexing (yes we are going to find out the sex!) and a 4DFREEVIEW with 3D ultrasound prints. How exciting!

Jess. xx

7 WEEKS PREGNANT | THE HOOK EFFECT

Does anyone know anything about the hook effect? Following on from my pregnancy test lines coming up super weak, someone advised me to read up on it and try diluting my urine before testing. The top test is undiluted urine, and the others are diluted bit by bit. As you can see, the more I dilute my urine, the darker my test lines get!

Could this be the hook effect?

Jess. xx

DISAPPEARING TWIN SYNDROME

Last Thurs a few of my pregnancy symptoms disappeared. By Friday morning I was very suspicious. I took 3 pregnancy tests and the lines were coming up much weaker than before. I had an emergency scan at the EPU and they couldn't find one of the twins. The sonographer said there is a chance that it's hidden behind the other. He kept thinking he could see a second heartbeat but was not sure if it was part of twin 1. 

I have been warned to prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Sadly my test lines seem to be getting weaker by the day, so despite twin 1 measuring above what it should and having a very strong heartbeat it's looking like I might lose both. 

Could this be disappearing twin syndrome? If it is, what chance does twin 2 stand? 

Jess. xx

6 WEEKS PREGNANT WITH IDENTICAL TWINS! | UPDATE

I cannot believe I get to write these words, but not only have we conceived naturally. We are also having identical twins!!!!! It's like a dream come true. Something beyond a miracle! Here's how we found out....

The day after I wrote the last blog post I woke up, went to the toilet and when I wiped there was bright red blood. Horrified, I rang the Early Pregnancy Unit and told them that the brown blood had now changed. They were very kind and offered to bring our 6/7 week scan forward to that day. I was 5+1 and of course my fiance and I were expecting the worst. We thought it was going to be game over....

But nope! It was far from game over because when the sonographer did the internal scan it revealed two very strong heartbeats! We couldn't believe it. I was crying. The sonographer was crying. Obviously she knew a bit about our history and the pain we had been through a few months before.

Not in a million years did I think this was going to happen to us, especially as I've been obsessed with identical twins for most of my adult life. This was the dream. That's all it was though. I never thought it was actually going to happen!!!

I'm really starting to believe in the law of attraction!

Now I understand why my pregnancy tests were so strong early on. I got a 3+ on a Clearblue test when I was only 4+5. As this test measures from the day you conceive that would have meant I was actually more like 5+4. But I didn't think I was that far gone. Sure, when I saw the super strong line on the First Response test I did think 'ohhhh, there's lots of hgc. That's a nice strong pregnancy'. For a second I also wondered if it was twins but that thought was instantly dismissed as I could never be that lucky!

Even when I posted pics of my tests on parenting forums, telling them I'm 4+5 the penny didn't drop. Everyone was saying 'you can't be 4+5, you must be further on'. As I said previously, I just thought it meant I have a nice strong pregnancy and high levels of hcg! Anyway....

This week's symptoms have been:

Acid reflux.

Terrible diarrhea.

Waking up frequently during the night with stomach cramps (because of the diarrhea). On a good day it's every 3 hours. On a bad it's every 30 mins. It's exhausting.

Feeling very thirsty.

Feeling bloated / heavy stomach.

Sore boobs. (Mainly on the sides).

Feeling too hot, then too cold.

Nausea.

Headaches.

Extreme tiredness.

Heightened sense of smell. (Everything stinks!).

Food adversions - I can't bear the idea of eating or smelling roast dinner. Usually my fave!

Very light brown discharge when I wipe.

I've been taking Pregnacare Max for 18 days now (ever since I found out I'm pregnant). Yesterday I went to the docs and explained about the diarrhea etc and she told me to swap to Pregnacare Original. I didn't take it last night and I feel better already. There was no 3-5am wake up call or nasty stomach pains throughout the night. I think those tablets were making me really ill you know!

Jess. xx

MIRACLES HAPPEN!!!!

Hey guys.

I know it's been a while! I hope you're all okay?

Just a quick update - my fiance and I were about to undergo a second IVF treatment but privately. This month was our last attempt at trying naturally. However, I can't believe I'm writing this - we got a BFP this morning. We have conceived naturally!  :)

I know it's very early days, but miracles do happen!!!

I just wanted to share our news and give hope to anyone that needs it! xx

Jess. xx

P.S: I have no pregnancy symptoms at all other than acid reflux at night! Totally different to last time when we had IVF. It was like symptom central back then.

The only thing I have had is a strange pulling sensation when I roll over in bed. I had that once last time and have had it twice this week. 

OUR FIRST ATTEMPT AT IVF | TIMELINE UPDATE

Thurs 8th June: Started IVF injections.

Tues 11th July: Egg collection.

Thurs 13th July: 2 embryos transferred.

2 week wait.

Thurs 27th July: Pregnancy blood test at the hospital. Positive test confirmed in the afternoon.

Wed 16th Aug: First scan. 1 foetus seen with a very strong heartbeat. 

Sat 26th Aug: Pregnancy symptoms have disappeared. A private scan confirms the baby/foetus no longer has a heartbeat. It's measuring as it should, minus 1 day so it is about 8 weeks + 3 days old.

There's no bleeding or sign of miscarriage for 2 weeks and 2 days.

Tues 12th Sept: Went into labour for 10 hours. 

Wed 13th Sept: Went into labour again. 

Thurs 14th Sept: Emergency op to remove foetus under anesthetic.

Light bleeding following the op (for 17 days with 2 days where it's heavy in between) which turns into crazy, out of control heavy bleeding for another 10 days. Then it suddenly stopped for 2 days, then there was a night of heavy bleeding and then it pretty much stopped). 

Thurs 12th Oct: I finally get a negative pregnancy test.

Sun 15th Oct: (4 weeks and 3 days after the op). The bleeding has stopped.

Sat 21st Oct: I get positive ovulation tests on a cheap Amazon test and a Clearblue smiley face one. So the crazy bleeding was a period on top of my miscarriage. This is a great sign as it means we can have started trying again!!!!

Sun 22nd Oct: Positive ovulation tests.

Mon 23rd Oct: Positive ovulation tests.

Tues 24th Oct: Positive ovulation tests.

Wed 25th Oct: Positive ovulation tests.

Thurs 26th Oct: Finally after 5 days of positive ovulation tests I get a negative one!

If anyone knows possible reasons why I have had positive ovulation tests 5 days in a row please enlighten me! After I had the miscarriage I followed my hormone levels back down to 0 when I finally got a negative pregnancy test so it's not left over hormones from the pregnancy. 

I took another pregnancy test on Tues which came up negative too. Just out of interest really as at the time I couldn't be pregnant because I've been bleeding too much to try for another baby. Obviously we've been making the most of these positive ovulation tests though. Ha ha!

Jess. xx

MY FIRST IVF PREGNANCY | TIMELINE OF EVENTS

Hey guys.

Today I want to post a timeline of events so I can easily look back at how long things take etc if I need to. I'm still bleeding after having had an op and am trying to work out if I've had or when I'm going to have a period and when I'm going to ovulate. 

Despite feeling like it's all been a bit of an ordeal (an ordeal that's been going on for over 4 months now!!!), memories fade fast and we're not ready to give up just yet! 

Maybe they'll be a natural pregnancy. If not, we'll probably have IVF round 2 within the next few months. 

All I can say is watch this space. : ) 

In the meantime, here's my timeline of IVF events:

Thurs 8th June: Started IVF injections.

Tues 11th July: Egg collection.

Thurs 13th July: 2 embryos transferred.

2 week wait.

Thurs 27th July: Pregnancy blood test at the hospital. Positive test confirmed in the afternoon.

Wed 16th Aug: First scan. 1 foetus seen with a very strong heartbeat. 

Sat 26th Aug: Pregnancy symptoms have disappeared. A private scan confirms the baby/foetus no longer has a heartbeat. It's measuring as it should, minus 1 day so it is about 8 weeks + 3 days old.

There's no bleeding or sign of miscarriage for 2 weeks and 2 days.

Tues 12th Sept: Went into labour for 10 hours. 

Wed 13th Sept: Went into labour again. 

Thurs 14th Sept: Emergency op to remove foetus under anesthetic.

Light bleeding following the op (for 17 days with 2 days where it's heavy in between) which turns into crazy, out of control heavy bleeding for another 10 days. Then it suddenly stopped for 2 days, then there was a night of heavy bleeding and now it's mild). 

Thurs 12th Oct: I finally get a negative pregnancy test.

As I said previously, I'm using ovulation tests every day to try and work out if some of this crazy bleeding was a period and when I'm going to ovulate! I'll update this post when I work it out!

On a side note, Amazon is a great place to buy cheap ovulation and pregnancy tests in bulk (I'll link the ones I get below - this seller supplies the NHS so they work really well). Boy do we get through a lot of those!

I'm using the cheap ovulation tests every day and when I see any sign of two lines I'll double up with a Clearblue (smiley face) test just to be sure!! I got the idea from one of my favourite YouTubers who said she uses cheap tests from Amazon. I don't know why I didn't think of it before! 

Jess. xx

SURGICAL MANAGEMENT OF MISCARRIAGE

It's been over a month since I last posted on here and the long and the short of it is that the drugs didn't work for me at all. I ended up having to have Surgical Management of Miscarriage (SMM). 

4 days after I took the second lot of pills I had another scan at the Early Pregnancy Unit, which of course confirmed that the fetus was still in there. I continued to wait it out and see if I miscarried naturally. A week later I went into labour at 3am and it lasted 10 hours. I was getting contractions every 3 minutes that would last 1 minute and was bleeding like crazy. 

Stuck on the toilet for 10 hours (other than a random 2 hour break I got) I felt lucky that my finace and mum were by my side. Yes it was embarrassing being half naked and in labour in front of them but I felt so exhausted I didnt care. My mum was fab and talked me through what to do with the breathing etc.

When labour finally ended around 1pm the next day, everyone was sure the fetus must have come out. The amount of blood and clots and goodness knows what else was insane. I had to use Ibuprofen, Paracetamol, Codeine and anti-sickness medication to get me through. It didn't take the pain away but made it slightly more bearable. 

After going through all that you can imagine my horror when it all started again at 3am the next day. Labour went on once again for 2 hours and it was every bit as awful as before. At 8.30am I was straight back on the phone to the Early Pregnancy Unit and back at the hospital for 10am.

I had a scan which once again confirmed that the fetus was still in there. A little head and body, fully intact, just led there like nothing is wrong. I couldn't bloody believe it!

Feeling crazily exhausted and at my wits end with it all I agreed that I had no option but to give in and have the op. Looking back I think I was mad to think doing it naturally was the way to go! Luckily they booked me in for the next day and I was also first on the list.

The operation went well but it was over 3 weeks ago now and I'm still bleeding heavily. 

Tomorrow I'm going to ring the doctors and try and work out if this is normal or not. 

Jess. xx

MISSED MISCARRIAGE TREATMENT

I'm now 9+3, only there was no heartbeat found whilst having an emergency scan last Sat (you can read that post here). At that point I was 8+4 and measuring at approx 8+3. I'm having what's known as a missed miscarriage. Call it what you like, delayed miscarriage, silent miscarriage. It's all the same thing. My baby or fetus has died but my body is still holding on. There's no bleeding and suddenly I've been faced with a big decision to make.

After having the scan on Sat it was 3 days before I spoke to the Early Pregnancy Unit about what I could possibly do. It was 4 days before I was seen and scanned and 5 days before I took some vaginal pessaries (Misoprostol) in a bid to medically manage the miscarriage. That was yesterday morn.

The vaginal pessaries did not work. I rang the hospital today and was seen early afternoon. I was given 4 more pessaries to try (I had to insert these all in one go). But whilst at home and trying to insert the first one, I found all the others inside. Still intact and completely undissolved. I picked them out one by one and put them on a tissue, totally dismayed.

I rang the hospital once again and we agreed that perhaps I should take the tablets orally instead. Off to the hospital we went for the second time today to pick up another pill. This time I put them in my mouth (between the gums and cheek) and I left them there for an hour. Then I swirled them around a bit and then put them back between my cheeks and gums.

Eventually I swallowed the chalky pulp, which didn't really taste of anything at all. It's now been nearly 4 hours since I first put them in. Other than a sore throat I'm currently feeling nothing at all. I'll keep you all updated on what happens next. Fingers crossed this works as tomorrow it will be 1 week since no heartbeat was seen.

Having a miscarriage is bad enough, but this is like being tortured because it's just going on and on. I feel like I'm stuck in a nightmare and totally in limbo land. I'm scared of what's going to happen and how bad it will be. I'm sick of being stuck in the house and unable to get on with my normal life.

Jess. xx

PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS DISAPPEARED

On Friday I woke up feeling great. Whilst in the shower I thought to myself 'I feel so good today I'm going to get on and do loads of chores or I might go out to the shops'. I couldn't help but laugh as I would think the same thing every day. However, by the time I got out of the shower I would always be so exhausted I had to lay down on the bed for a bit before I got dressed. Once I had taken the Crinone Gel I would be pretty useless for the rest of the day. A combination of being pregnant and taking the extra progesterone was really taking it's toll.

However, Friday was somehow different. I ate my breakfast and started cleaning. I finished one room and then started another. I couldn't really believe how good I felt and how much energy I had. Stupidly I put it down to the small breakfast I had eaten. I had decided to change my eating habits in a bid to combat the all day and night nausea I was getting. It seemed like my idea of eating lots of small meals a day was beginning to work. 

Throughout the day I kept expecting the exhaustion and nausea to kick in but it never did. In fact, by the end of the day I still felt pretty good. It was like everything had changed. Even smells that had previously made me feel sick were not bothering me anymore. 

That night I started to panic in my sleep and the nightmares were pretty bad. I kept waking up, wondering where my pregnancy symptoms had gone. Then thinking of things to Google for reassurance. By 6am I couldn't take it anymore and I grabbed the iPad, typing in everything I could think of for reassurance. I ended up looking for private clinics that were open on a Saturday. I knew that the only way I could be truly reassured was to get a scan.

My fiance woke up, catching me in the act, asking 'what are you Googling now?'. I told him 'my pregnancy symptoms have gone'. He tried to reassure me but deep down I knew the truth. I started crying and I said 'I think the baby has gone. I think our baby has died. I don't feel pregnant anymore'. He cuddled me and told me not to be so silly. 

In the end he agreed that I could pay for a private scan. That's just the kind of guy he is. He would rather get a scan and stop my anxiety (which would be bad for the baby) than worry about the money. 

After ringing around loads of different places we finally found an ultra-sound clinic that was willing to fit us in at the end of their working day. It was an hour's drive away and the scan would cost us £89. None of that mattered as it needed to be done.

My fiance was convinced I was being anxious and that the scan was happening just to reassure me. But sadly I felt different and knew it would take a miracle if our baby was there. Nothing made sense. If I was still pregnant then where had my symptoms gone? I had felt terribly ill and pregnant for about 6 weeks. Those kind of feelings don't just disappear over night. 

Whilst in the waiting room one couple came out crying and my fiance told me later that he had thought 'those poor people, at least we won't be coming out in a state like them'. Meanwhile I felt incredibly panicky and anxious and I really wasn't holding out much hope.

As soon as the sonographer got the baby up on the screen we could see that there was no heartbeat to be seen. My fiance was devastated and totally in shock. I on the other hand, was incredibly upset but but not shocked as I already knew. 

I worked out that the cramping I had last Wed and Thurs was when this all probably occurred. But what's really awful is that my body still thinks it's pregnant so the baby is still inside. I'm having what's called a 'delayed miscarriage' and quite honestly I don't know what on earth to do.

It's a bank holiday weekend and nowhere is open. The IVF clinic have an emergency number but no one has called me back. I tried calling everyone from the Early Pregnancy Clinic to midwives, and our local maternity unit too. Nobody can help me. In the end I resorted to ringing 111 and after 4.5 hours an on call doctor finally rang and said I could wait and see what happens or have a D&C (an operation to have it removed).

Now I have to wait until Tuesday so I can ring my GP and get referred to the Early Pregnancy Clinic, where hopefully they'll be able to advise me what to do.

The whole thing is pretty horrendous and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm really scared about what's going to happen to me now. I read online that if I miscarry naturally it will be a bit like going into labour and to expect there to be a lot of blood. 

We both feel so upset, tired and keep on crying all the time. What a sad ending to something that we thought was going to be so damn good.

Jess. xx

8 WEEKS PREGNANT | UPDATE

Hello! Today we're 8+2 and we had our first scan 8 days ago. All was well and there was 1 little one with a strong heartbeat, measuring 1cm. What a relief! Sadly the second embryo didn't make it, so there's no twinnies for us this time around. However, we are okay about this and just very grateful to have been successful at all.

My whole attitude has totally changed since that scan and I'm no longer anxious - thank goodness.

So all the worries have gone but the symptoms have not. I still feel pretty rubbish to be honest and am counting down the weeks until I can stop taking the Crinone Gel. I'm sure it's that stuff that's making me feel so bad.

This week I'm suffering from nausea, a heightened sense of smell, sore boobs and frequent urination (especially throughout the night). The period-like cramps came back again yesterday and today which seem to be a normal thing when you're about 8 weeks.

That's all I have to report at the mo.

Jess. xx

7 WEEKS PREGNANT | UPDATE

Good morning everyone! Today we're 7 weeks and our first scan is tomorrow.

In terms of symptoms from the past week, I've had a heightened sense of smell (often struggling to make breakfast or cook dinner and don't even get me started on the smell of yogurt! - My fiance eats one every night and I find it so gross), all day and night nausea, hot flushes, feeling extremely thirsty, sore boobs and frequent urination.

I get up about 7 times a night, every night. The main reason is the need to urinate all the time, but acid reflux and nausea is a major issue too. One thing I have noticed is that the period-like cramps have eased off a lot since last week which is good.

If you know of anything that helps with nausea or my issue of not being able to quench my first, please let me know in the comments box below!

Jess. xx

6 WEEKS PREGNANT | UPDATE

Today we're 6 weeks and I'm counting down the days until the first scan which is a week tomorrow.

Several things have happened since I last blogged. Firstly I spoke to our clinic about the awful stabbing/ripping type pains I was getting. The nurse was lovely and reassured me that they are probably nothing to worry about. We agreed that it's more than likely down to the changes going on in my body and my ovaries recovering from egg collection. Luckily I haven't felt these pains for 9 days now. 

Another thing that happened was I took a second pregnancy test. Silly I know, but the paranoia kicked in and I needed to see that the pregnancy is still there. The funny thing was the control line and one of the lines in the test window were very weak. I was in a sulk for about two hours thinking the test line was faint. Then after Googling I realised it was the test line that was very strong not the other way around. I hadn't looked at the packet properly!

After that little incident I became super happy again and all reassured. However, all I seem to do is worry. So far I've been scared that the stabbing pains are an ectopic pregnancy, that the period-like cramps are a miscarriage (or even part of an ectopic pregnancy) and that if I cry and get a bit emotional that this could lead to a miscarriage too. 

I get so many strange aches and pains and they seem to fuel my paranoia even more. For example today I sat down on a chair and it felt like someone had stabbed me in the bum! What was that all about? Who knows!

Over the past 7 days symptoms have included feeling very emotional (where I want to cry for no reason), hot, nauseous (this seems to be getting worse!) and incredibly thirsty all the time. I've also had period-like cramps, continuous sore boobs and some really strange dreams. I urinate all the time (I got up about 7 times one night!) and am incredibly very tired.

Today I'm feeling a little bit ill with a mild sore throat and have been sleeping on and off all day. 

Roll on to when we hit 12 weeks as apparently that's when all the crazy symptoms start to get a little bit better. At least that's what one of my best friends told me, who I happened to confide in during this week. So now my mum, sister and one of my friends know. 

Jess. xx

5 WEEKS PREGNANT | UPDATE

We're officially 5 weeks today and I'm going around like the cat that's got the cream! I still can't believe that we're this lucky and IVF worked for us on the first go. I feel so blessed. Of course it's early days so we can't get too ahead of ourselves just yet. We have the first scan two weeks tomorrow at which point I'll be 7+1.

A few days after the clinic confirmed our positive blood test I decided to POAS (pee on a stick!) just so I could get the feeling of seeing a positive result. The second line came up straight away and it was amazing to see after years of viewing negative results.

In terms of symptoms I'm getting very mild acid reflux at least once a day, mild nausea and feeling very tired so I usually take a nap in the afternoon! I also feel really thirsty and urinate frequently. On the day my period would have been due I had really bad period-like cramps which felt just like when I'm about to come on. Since then these have eased up a lot and I'm barely noticing them anymore.

I'm still getting these awful stabbing/ripping type pains though (mainly on the lower left side but sometimes on the right) which I believe are something to do with my ovaries. I'm not sure why this is happening but I'm guessing it could be my body recovering from egg collection. I'll ask the clinic when I go in a few weeks.

Another thing I've noticed is I'm still incredibly bloated which I believe is partly down to the progesterone I'm taking. My belly looks very pregnant which is crazy considering I'm only 4 weeks. I went to a party at the weekend and was really paranoid that people might wonder why I look so fat. It's that bad that it's hard to disguise and when I saw the photos afterwards I couldn't help but think 'wow, I am looking pretty big at the mo!'. I'm normally a size 10 so having a large belly is a bit alien to me.

That said, this could be a good thing as it might mean that both of our embryos have embedded. Fingers crossed! Apparently twin pregnancies are very different to singletons and you get everything in double from the get go! So that's double the bloatedness, weight-gain, pains, tiredness, nausea and anything else I might be experiencing at the time. If I really am pregnant with twins I'll have progesterone coming from each one as well as the the extra progesterone I'll be taking throughout the first 3 months!

Exciting times!

Jess. xx