PREGNANCY SYMPTOMS DISAPPEARED

On Friday I woke up feeling great. Whilst in the shower I thought to myself 'I feel so good today I'm going to get on and do loads of chores or I might go out to the shops'. I couldn't help but laugh as I would think the same thing every day. However, by the time I got out of the shower I would always be so exhausted I had to lay down on the bed for a bit before I got dressed. Once I had taken the Crinone Gel I would be pretty useless for the rest of the day. A combination of being pregnant and taking the extra progesterone was really taking it's toll.

However, Friday was somehow different. I ate my breakfast and started cleaning. I finished one room and then started another. I couldn't really believe how good I felt and how much energy I had. Stupidly I put it down to the small breakfast I had eaten. I had decided to change my eating habits in a bid to combat the all day and night nausea I was getting. It seemed like my idea of eating lots of small meals a day was beginning to work. 

Throughout the day I kept expecting the exhaustion and nausea to kick in but it never did. In fact, by the end of the day I still felt pretty good. It was like everything had changed. Even smells that had previously made me feel sick were not bothering me anymore. 

That night I started to panic in my sleep and the nightmares were pretty bad. I kept waking up, wondering where my pregnancy symptoms had gone. Then thinking of things to Google for reassurance. By 6am I couldn't take it anymore and I grabbed the iPad, typing in everything I could think of for reassurance. I ended up looking for private clinics that were open on a Saturday. I knew that the only way I could be truly reassured was to get a scan.

My fiance woke up, catching me in the act, asking 'what are you Googling now?'. I told him 'my pregnancy symptoms have gone'. He tried to reassure me but deep down I knew the truth. I started crying and I said 'I think the baby has gone. I think our baby has died. I don't feel pregnant anymore'. He cuddled me and told me not to be so silly. 

In the end he agreed that I could pay for a private scan. That's just the kind of guy he is. He would rather get a scan and stop my anxiety (which would be bad for the baby) than worry about the money. 

After ringing around loads of different places we finally found an ultra-sound clinic that was willing to fit us in at the end of their working day. It was an hour's drive away and the scan would cost us £89. None of that mattered as it needed to be done.

My fiance was convinced I was being anxious and that the scan was happening just to reassure me. But sadly I felt different and knew it would take a miracle if our baby was there. Nothing made sense. If I was still pregnant then where had my symptoms gone? I had felt terribly ill and pregnant for about 6 weeks. Those kind of feelings don't just disappear over night. 

Whilst in the waiting room one couple came out crying and my fiance told me later that he had thought 'those poor people, at least we won't be coming out in a state like them'. Meanwhile I felt incredibly panicky and anxious and I really wasn't holding out much hope.

As soon as the sonographer got the baby up on the screen we could see that there was no heartbeat to be seen. My fiance was devastated and totally in shock. I on the other hand, was incredibly upset but but not shocked as I already knew. 

I worked out that the cramping I had last Wed and Thurs was when this all probably occurred. But what's really awful is that my body still thinks it's pregnant so the baby is still inside. I'm having what's called a 'delayed miscarriage' and quite honestly I don't know what on earth to do.

It's a bank holiday weekend and nowhere is open. The IVF clinic have an emergency number but no one has called me back. I tried calling everyone from the Early Pregnancy Clinic to midwives, and our local maternity unit too. Nobody can help me. In the end I resorted to ringing 111 and after 4.5 hours an on call doctor finally rang and said I could wait and see what happens or have a D&C (an operation to have it removed).

Now I have to wait until Tuesday so I can ring my GP and get referred to the Early Pregnancy Clinic, where hopefully they'll be able to advise me what to do.

The whole thing is pretty horrendous and I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I'm really scared about what's going to happen to me now. I read online that if I miscarry naturally it will be a bit like going into labour and to expect there to be a lot of blood. 

We both feel so upset, tired and keep on crying all the time. What a sad ending to something that we thought was going to be so damn good.

Jess. xx

8 WEEKS PREGNANT | UPDATE

Hello! Today we're 8+2 and we had our first scan 8 days ago. All was well and there was 1 little one with a strong heartbeat, measuring 1cm. What a relief! Sadly the second embryo didn't make it, so there's no twinnies for us this time around. However, we are okay about this and just very grateful to have been successful at all.

My whole attitude has totally changed since that scan and I'm no longer anxious - thank goodness.

So all the worries have gone but the symptoms have not. I still feel pretty rubbish to be honest and am counting down the weeks until I can stop taking the Crinone Gel. I'm sure it's that stuff that's making me feel so bad.

This week I'm suffering from nausea, a heightened sense of smell, sore boobs and frequent urination (especially throughout the night). The period-like cramps came back again yesterday and today which seem to be a normal thing when you're about 8 weeks.

That's all I have to report at the mo.

Jess. xx

7 WEEKS PREGNANT | UPDATE

Good morning everyone! Today we're 7 weeks and our first scan is tomorrow.

In terms of symptoms from the past week, I've had a heightened sense of smell (often struggling to make breakfast or cook dinner and don't even get me started on the smell of yogurt! - My fiance eats one every night and I find it so gross), all day and night nausea, hot flushes, feeling extremely thirsty, sore boobs and frequent urination.

I get up about 7 times a night, every night. The main reason is the need to urinate all the time, but acid reflux and nausea is a major issue too. One thing I have noticed is that the period-like cramps have eased off a lot since last week which is good.

If you know of anything that helps with nausea or my issue of not being able to quench my first, please let me know in the comments box below!

Jess. xx

6 WEEKS PREGNANT | UPDATE

Today we're 6 weeks and I'm counting down the days until the first scan which is a week tomorrow.

Several things have happened since I last blogged. Firstly I spoke to our clinic about the awful stabbing/ripping type pains I was getting. The nurse was lovely and reassured me that they are probably nothing to worry about. We agreed that it's more than likely down to the changes going on in my body and my ovaries recovering from egg collection. Luckily I haven't felt these pains for 9 days now. 

Another thing that happened was I took a second pregnancy test. Silly I know, but the paranoia kicked in and I needed to see that the pregnancy is still there. The funny thing was the control line and one of the lines in the test window were very weak. I was in a sulk for about two hours thinking the test line was faint. Then after Googling I realised it was the test line that was very strong not the other way around. I hadn't looked at the packet properly!

After that little incident I became super happy again and all reassured. However, all I seem to do is worry. So far I've been scared that the stabbing pains are an ectopic pregnancy, that the period-like cramps are a miscarriage (or even part of an ectopic pregnancy) and that if I cry and get a bit emotional that this could lead to a miscarriage too. 

I get so many strange aches and pains and they seem to fuel my paranoia even more. For example today I sat down on a chair and it felt like someone had stabbed me in the bum! What was that all about? Who knows!

Over the past 7 days symptoms have included feeling very emotional (where I want to cry for no reason), hot, nauseous (this seems to be getting worse!) and incredibly thirsty all the time. I've also had period-like cramps, continuous sore boobs and some really strange dreams. I urinate all the time (I got up about 7 times one night!) and am incredibly very tired.

Today I'm feeling a little bit ill with a mild sore throat and have been sleeping on and off all day. 

Roll on to when we hit 12 weeks as apparently that's when all the crazy symptoms start to get a little bit better. At least that's what one of my best friends told me, who I happened to confide in during this week. So now my mum, sister and one of my friends know. 

Jess. xx

5 WEEKS PREGNANT | UPDATE

We're officially 5 weeks today and I'm going around like the cat that's got the cream! I still can't believe that we're this lucky and IVF worked for us on the first go. I feel so blessed. Of course it's early days so we can't get too ahead of ourselves just yet. We have the first scan two weeks tomorrow at which point I'll be 7+1.

A few days after the clinic confirmed our positive blood test I decided to POAS (pee on a stick!) just so I could get the feeling of seeing a positive result. The second line came up straight away and it was amazing to see after years of viewing negative results.

In terms of symptoms I'm getting very mild acid reflux at least once a day, mild nausea and feeling very tired so I usually take a nap in the afternoon! I also feel really thirsty and urinate frequently. On the day my period would have been due I had really bad period-like cramps which felt just like when I'm about to come on. Since then these have eased up a lot and I'm barely noticing them anymore.

I'm still getting these awful stabbing/ripping type pains though (mainly on the lower left side but sometimes on the right) which I believe are something to do with my ovaries. I'm not sure why this is happening but I'm guessing it could be my body recovering from egg collection. I'll ask the clinic when I go in a few weeks.

Another thing I've noticed is I'm still incredibly bloated which I believe is partly down to the progesterone I'm taking. My belly looks very pregnant which is crazy considering I'm only 4 weeks. I went to a party at the weekend and was really paranoid that people might wonder why I look so fat. It's that bad that it's hard to disguise and when I saw the photos afterwards I couldn't help but think 'wow, I am looking pretty big at the mo!'. I'm normally a size 10 so having a large belly is a bit alien to me.

That said, this could be a good thing as it might mean that both of our embryos have embedded. Fingers crossed! Apparently twin pregnancies are very different to singletons and you get everything in double from the get go! So that's double the bloatedness, weight-gain, pains, tiredness, nausea and anything else I might be experiencing at the time. If I really am pregnant with twins I'll have progesterone coming from each one as well as the the extra progesterone I'll be taking throughout the first 3 months!

Exciting times!

Jess. xx